You are here

is there any hope?

So, last week, my fiance of one month ended our relationship, saying that he realized we are not compatible, that I do not understand him well enough, and that he cannot marry who I “actually” am as a person. We dated for 8 months, and I was always convinced that he was wholeheartedly in love with me. His actions showed it every day, and he would even tell me things such as (direct Quote: ), “I give you my sincere promise before God that I will never leave you.”
We are both in our mid-20s and we were good friends for several years before we began dating. The timing of everything seemed so natural and the relationship was just perfect the entire time we dated. He treated me like a queen, our families loved each other, we had many mutual friends, and we both loved each other so much. We shared SO many common interests, the same life goals and values, and there was never any doubt in either of our minds the entire time we dated.
We got engaged in early March and he couldn’t wait to get married as soon as possible! We set a date for August and started planning. One week after we got engaged, we had a few minor disagreements about wedding plans, and it seemed that we had worked them out. The next weekend, everything seemed great, but one day as soon as I saw him he began getting very emotional and stressed and asked if we could please delay our wedding date. At first I thought he was just stressed about how soon it was, plus the fact that he had to go out of the country for his job for 2 months during the summer, and at first it seemed I was able to calm his fears and assure him that it would all work out. He expressed concern that we had been disagreeing, and insisted again that we change the date. I admit I freaked out a bit, because we had already booked venues and let a lot of people know! I said some rude things to him that were probably hurtful and he tried to explain that he needed to do this out of love for me, to make sure we got started in our marriage on the best foot. But by the next morning, I had come around and agreed that we could move everything to November!
He began acting strangely in the days that followed, and he was away at school that week so most of this happened via texting, but I expressed some fears of mine that I felt like he didn’t actually want to marry me. He told me that he didn’t know where we stood, and then refused to talk to me about it for the entire rest of the week until he got back in town! When I saw him, he actually tried to break up with me, but I reasoned with him and we came to a mutual agreement that we would just not set a date at all at this point, and we would slow down and take some time to get to know each other better first. We spent that entire weekend together, talking about ways to work through the disagreements we’d had, and he reassured me that he loved me so much and we would give this a chance. I still felt so scared because I was unsure why he continued to doubt things so much!
After that weekend he went back to school and we had some great conversations via text for the next several days. He invited me to go to a banquet with him the following week and we made plans. Then, abruptly on Wednesday, he began acting very odd again and told me he actually didn’t want to go to the banquet, but we could just hang out and do something else instead. Thursday night, he told me he loved me and that he was excited to see me on Friday. Friday, we met up, and he broke up with me. He stated the same reasons he had brought up the previous week — that he didn’t feel we are compatible, that we wouldn’t be “well suited” for each other in marriage, and that he fell in love with an idea of who I was that isn’t actually who I am.
I was just shocked as to how several minor disagreements could lead to that. I handled the wedding date change badly, but I apologized countless times for stressing him out and not being as supportive as he needed. He was just unwilling to work with me and unwilling to give me another chance. He has also known me for years, so I know that he knows who I really am as a person. He expressed that he felt he had been putting in all the work in our relationship to get to know each other, and that he was exhausted, and he told me he wanted a clean break.
Two days later, I sent him a long email detailing all the reasons why I believed he was wrong. That was 3 days ago, and he has not responded. I didn’t expect him to. I have no idea why he could give up on me so quickly and for something seemingly so minor. Do you think he is just having a major case of cold feet? It is possible that he was so stressed by school, his job, and other life issues that he just couldn’t handle the thought of getting married on top of everything else. The breakup seemed so definitive, but he also changed his mind so many times within the past few weeks that I think he may just be very confused, and that he made an incredibly impulsive decision. Does anyone have any insight or have ever been in a similar situation? Is there any hope that he may regret doing this? I am still in love with him and convinced that all of our problems could easily have been worked out with more time, and with discussions in person instead of over texting while we were in different places. Any advice would be appreciated…

Related posts

Leave a Comment